this is from the book DAYBREAK Meditations for Women Survivors of Sexual Abuse by Maureen Brady.
“Rage is resourcelessness. I have rage but I also have resources to call upon to help me not displace it.
Once I let myself digest the horror I feel at my memories, I am likely to become outraged at what I endured as a child. Looking at my own children or the children of others, i see just how vulnerable and tender we are at certain ages, and how a direct expression of my anger was not possible at the time. It was shunned by the perpetrator, I was punished for exhibiting anger, or I was threatened with the loss of a contact that contained the possibility of love.
I am both outraged and in rage at what happened to me. Once my rage is let out, it may spew like a volcano. It may threaten to spill over into my relationships, especially the intimate ones. Anyone close may feel threatening to me and provoke my fiery feelings.
I remind myself today that i have resources to address my rage. i can beat on pillows and scream it out. i can share it with my therapist. Instead of injuring my loved ones with it, i can hold myself, see myself in a mirror, and assure myself that i am ever-moving toward the life that has been buried under these stuffed feelings.”
this reading has helped me get an even better sense of my journey with this specific piece of my healing. i have many amends to make and i am feeling close to ready. here’s to the healing journey and all the words of wisdom that others have shared walking this path. i say thank you!
peace + love + laughter + healing, -kathleen.